My Testimony

I don't really have an exciting testimony, but I've decided to finally put it down to words.

I wasn't born into a christian family, contrary to what most people believe. Yes, I'm your so called 1st generation christian (another story for another day). I was brought to church with my family about age 7. Went through baptism, said the sinner's prayer as a kid. No clue what I was doing. Had friends that I could meet every sunday and play soccer with. Would a kid say no to going to church?

Grew into the teenage years, somehow rose to become a cell leader (more likely due to worldy leadership skills rather than spiritual maturity). Well, if you were to lead cell like leading a group of friends in a project, it may not be that hard. That was one side of me. Another side goes on with dreams of violence. Got into a few fights outside with and against people I don't know. Not many people know because its just a few. But these were the things that excited me. Still went to church on sundays, the friendship was and is still there. Mould my character on the reliance of friends, or should I say brotherhood.

Sports sort of took over when I entered JC. Soccer, canoeing, dragonboating and cycling became the most exciting things. Totally gave up on studying most of the time. Grades were poor but not end of the world yet. Had tough times at church during these years. No interest.
NS days were filled with disappointment. Never quite as fit as the rest. It was one thing to have good leadership skills but another when you struggled through the most basic physical tests. Outfield was fun on hindsight though. If there was soccer on sunday or duty on saturday stretching to sunday, skip church. No interest.
However, 2 things happened during these 4 and 1/2 years. I nearly died twice. 1st was when I crashed into the side railing of the road down Mt Faber. Going really fast and the next thing I knew, I was on the floor with my bike strewn across the road in pieces. I still believe I was hit from behind. I will never know. The 2nd was during an AI exercise overseas. As I was exiting the turret to join up with the rest of my platoon, my VC moved the turret before I could exit. My body was caught between the turret. If not for the SBO, my kicking at his legs and my runner screaming at the VC, turning the turret more might mean I'd be split in 2. The blue-blacks were there and the pain unforgettable, but the assault went on and I never really confronted him.

Still there wasn't much interest in christianity. It was only when I could not get into any tertiary institution and had to appeal to get into NYP health science faculty that God really spoke to me. He showed me that he had saved me for a reason. He made me realise my foolishness in my past pursuits. They were all fruitless. No matter how hard I thought I tried to get into a U to get a "better" future, I was never getting into them. He told me to rely on him and he will sort things out. I ended up in NYP on appeal thanks to my father's friend who happened to drink coffee at the same time we were waiting to appeal.

I've never looked back since. Soccer on sunday mornings take a second priority now, if not non-existant. My life is getting back on track. I try my mortal best to rely on him, but bad habits die hard. He is kind and will send timely reminders. I still have a lot of resentment to things but I thank God he listens and has offered to sort out my problems. I only hope I can do better in building my relationship with him. I would have to overcome laziness for that. But he will help.

Maturity maybe just pessimism and reluctance disguised under intelligent comments

You know as you grow up, adults will flock around certain young people and start ranting on non-stop about how mature he or she is for her age, being able to look after their siblings, understanding the adult's point of view, etc etc.  Are they really mature? Or are they actually just avoiding the issue totally? Who decides on maturity?

Some adults think when a youth agrees with their point of view, the kiddo must be damn mature. Possibly, the adult could be the immature one in the first place. Human nature dictates that we care for ourselves first. We were all born selfish. Only few have made it crossed the line into selflessness.

Some adults also have the mentality that if a kid can see the negatives like they do, maturity abounds within. How many people actually joyfully pick up other people's job/responsibilities or should I say, mess? Most jump to the quick conclusion that it's not my problem, why should I do so? Shouldn't they do their job? I've done my part. The next part of this is when they start picking out the negatives by highlighting their positives. Since I did my job well, the other guy is just lazy or useless. They don't know how to do such a simple job.

When a kid starting yakking away at how things should be done, how he would do so if he was responsible, how things are just unfair and yet does totally nothing to help the situation. Think twice, thrice before the "M" word goes into your train of thought.

Technologically challenged

Thank you to those who have come and read through my thoughts. I never thought anyone would come to visit. I just aired some of my thoughts, safe ones of course. However, I have not been able to post any new ones until now. Posts will become rare. You see, recently, technology has decided to collapse all around me. First my desktop gave up. Then, just as the revived laptop started to be showing signs of good health, it gave up. I have since reverted back to surfing the net with my ipod. That can only be described as surfing for the basics and nothing more.I had alot of lost posts/ideas that probably may not ever surface. That is the price I paid when technology got the better of finance.

Ha ha. I talk as if a lot of people visit this blog. As if.

Pursuit of emptiness

Recently, I have been introduced to many concepts of filling up my free time. It is very true that my cup is currently half filled and I wish to fill it to the max. I have only 1 mortal life so why live it half empty. My anxiety over potential future events have caused my eyes to stray and given me plenty sleepless nights. My insomnia is filled with questions over the same things. How to fill the cup?

But I cannot bring my self to fill up my cup with just about anything. Filling it up with honey will make the drink sweet. Filling it up with cereals will make my stomach feel good and full. There are so many options but my stomach is at odds as to which will make it happy. While it is tempting to drink coke, it may not be the wisest idea.

At the end of the day, I do not want to be left empty.If I keep procrastinating and not wanting to fill the cup, it will forever be empty. When will that time be? I've been known to delay my purchases until the word purchase becomes invalid. I cannot let that be the norm.

Evil: an idle mind

Why do I say an idle mind is the most evil of evils? Well, simply a mind that is not used is easily infiltrated. Infiltrated with what? Infiltrated with thoughts, perceptions, deceptions and illusions. No one can truly say at any point of time when being questioned that they have nothing on their minds. The fact that they can produce an answer is fact enough that the mind is thinking of how to answer that question.

When we begin to stop thinking for ourselves and let others (including non-human objects) think for us, our idle minds become the subject of another's stronger sense of will. We lose reasoning and not mind for our own well-being. If the other party is so convincing that they have more power over your life than you, than you have become a slave. Why be a slave? We were not made to fear anything but God alone. How can another man create fear in a fellow man? We were created the same. Almost, bearing some size issues.

When man begin to believe that they have power over other men and that the only way to maintain power is by stamping their authority, that is when their downfall truly begins. Has there ever been a dictator who has lived while having complete control over his dominions? None yet. Even the most powerful of dictators have to give in at least 1 other person. So I say never fear authority, but respect authority. Seniority deserves their respect. They have experience on their side, no doubting. But when decisions become illogical, question them. Do not blindly follow or worse, give in due to fear. We have no reason to fear another human being. I speak softly because I respect you not because I fear you. If you want, I could always shout back when you shout at me. But would that solve anyone's problem? Your guess is as good as mine.

Technology has a life

Have not been able to put up much posts recently. Technology has gotten the better of man temporarily in my household. Many thoughts were lost in the process. Have been fighting a war to just get the guy to just stay on for a few minutes. In the end, reformatting it was the only option. At least now it can stay on for more than a few minutes.
The bugger is still in its terminal stages and can suffer a heart attack anytime. Its solo-core 2.8gHz can still outrun most notebooks but it can run forever. The sprinter tires out and with its poor heart, it creates an eerie sound coming from a blue or worse, black screen. It knows the new guys are fitter, not necessarily faster, but definitely better equiped to do the job. It wants to give in and die but the doctor keeps reviving it. It still cramps up every now and then. How long more will it run?

Remembering the foods that everyone forgets

I see on my table bread that has been left for a bit too long.

Often, we end up throwing away food that was actually really decent. Yes yes, people in 3rd world countries are suffering while we mindlessly waste food. But that is not my point of comment. We are always smarter hindsightedly. If nothing goes wrong, no one bothers with the details. Fine details that actually affect our futures. When I buy a loaf of bread, I tend to go for the large loaf for its value, believing I can actually find time to finish it. But I will forget to buy the spread. In other words, I end up not eating as much as I could because I was too lazy to bother to get the spread.

I think certain things are beginning to come back to me. I was once shamefully proud of being perpetually depressed as some may remember. I have since worked really hard to break out of that. It is still a work in progress as no one I believe can achieve perfect happiness all the time. We have our setbacks and we have to learn to deal with them. Anyway, now I have some people telling me they are perpetually depressed. That really rings a bell with me. I tell them my story and how I'm trying to break out of it. But it is not working, I think.

Today, I remember the foods I have since forgotten and how it has affected everyone. There is a consequence to everything. Be sure of what you are buying. Someone needs to eat it. Do not spoil their meal.

Reviving the Unrejuvenated

The past few months has been quite an electronic living hell.

Firstly, I played the PSP so much that when I held onto it, I realised I had sold my soul to it. Imagine knowing that the little black box controls your actions. Talk about addiction. Your thoughts and even dreams revolve around the games you play. I had no choice but to release the demon that was controlling me.

Then there was the world's lousiest phone. The phone which never rings when someone calls you and gives you miss calls half a day later. And the most irritating function, it cannot ring and vibrate. Even if it did vibrate, my nose hairs can twitch with better feeling. I didn't choose the phone, it was a spare. All the phones I bought for myself had to be sold for reasons I cannot discuss. Again, I did not have much choice but to get a new one. True, the battery is not as lasting. But it gets the job done.

I have passed my notebook to my sis and so now I'm stuck with the home desktop. It was built for my 21st, so its been around for 3 years plus. Quite a wonder some may say. On F1 day, you can hear it competing with Hamilton for who's got the loudest roar. I think the helicopter fly-past was more peaceful. And now, its running worse than ever. If ECGs gave a constant beep, the guy would be dead. My desktop gives you many beeps, telling you it wants to die but would prefer to torment you for a few more minutes. Writing this blog is the result of a successful operation of keeping the guy alive for a space of time.

I think I have reached a point where I do not want the cheapest, most value-packed things in life. I want reliability.

Fickleness

I was trained to be an officer. What does it take to be an officer you'd ask me? I do not suscribe to the belief that the officer must be the smartest person, the fittest person or even the bravest person? He cannot possibly be the EVERYTHING-EST person, otherwise he would be perfect. How many perfect people can we seriously find? He is the leader but if you expect him to make every single decision right, that would be a tad too much to ask. But one thing is for certain, you should be able to rely on him to make a decision.

I believe officers should be described in 2 words, Boringly Reliable. After all, they have to make important and not so important decisions all the time. And you can definitely rely on them to decide. They are boring because they can be so reliable that there should not be any surprises. Even if there was a sudden change of plans (which happens all the time), these guys are so reliable that they should reverse the situation until no one notices. Would you want an Excitingly Unpredictable leader? You never know when their next move will be.

So what is so bad about being Boringly Reliable? Why do people seek the unpredictable? Is it more exciting? Mor thrills when you cannot guess their next move? What is so bad about being sure that your guy brings back the dough and makes you happy cause you don't have to worry? Sometimes, we seek to worry because we find our lives too boring and monotonous. Everyday the same things. We take interest in the unpredictable because it catches us off guard and tests our reflexes. If everything goes smoothly, everyone is happy. But when something goes wrong, relief may not be so near. At the end of the day, even the most wild seek stability in their lives. But don't deprive yourself of some fun. Even the boringly reliable know how to have fun.

Express Cut butcher

I visited a barber shop today hoping to get a haircut. Instead I walked right into a butcher shop and the butcheress was just about the make tail soup. Where else better to get the ingredients than from my head. What was I thinking trusting such a place?

Just because I was wearing a soccer jersey, shorts, slippers, carrying a slingbag, clean shaven due to the nature of my work, boyish looking does not mean I am some GINA. I know we are all just doing our jobs. But at least do your job. Your job was to listen to the customer and give them what they want not what they deserve. If that was part of your job description, you would be my parent. But you are not.

You started off fine enough. Why did you have to let your own morals and blind judgment take over. My overlapped sides did not even have a single strand of hair sticking out. Where is the overlap? I asked to follow my existing tail. Why did you have to cut it into a bushy fox tail? Since when did you become my moral authority?

Monochrome futility

Black is the absence of colour
An opposite of white which people deem pure
Yet relentlessly pursued in present day.

Black is the foundation by which we have all colours
If not for its absence how can we have presence

The fat pursue black believing in its slimming powers
But they forget in the light it merely highlights
In the day, you stand out in the light
In the night, the light bounces of you
There is no escaping the fact
Unless maybe it was matt

The slim also pursue the black, believing in its coolness
But they forget that black retains warmth
And when they heat up, they curse and swear
Now where is the coolness in all of that

Yet if we have the time to sit and think
Are we not merely chasing a useless dream
To be someone we are not
Because we were not born black or white
Our lives neither have an absence or an absolute of colour
We are different shades of hue

If we have the time to look
We will know that black is never black
Because white will not let it be black
Neither will black let white be white
Although the futility of pursuit is obvious
It is also the reason why we move the way we do

In search of an epiphany part 2 day 6

Last day in Saigon. It is so sad we had to leave. Anyway it was getting crowded. No peace in crowds. It was so hard to say goodbye but we had to. Back to reality bringing with us all the lessons learnt and all the thoughts processed. I sincerely hope I have cleared my mind. I know now what I must do.

Tam Biet Saigon. Tam Biet 507.

In search of an epiphany part 2 day 5

Today we finally had pho at pho minh. The absolution of pho. In my terms. The trip was suppose to have started out with pho minh but we ended it instead. Still it was enough to enlighten me and made the whole trip purposeful. The trip has achieved its purpose. I know what I must do now.

Thus the whole day was just about relaxing and trying to enjoy myself. I succeeded in most part. Most.

No photos today because I had to think.

Oh yeah. Today was also the day I enjoyed the best Xe Moto melody. Beautiful.

In search of an epiphany part 2 day 4

Woke up intending to swim but did not. Questioned my reasoning for wanting to swim. Could not answer myself. Had to console myself with the fact that I hated the cold water.

We spent the day with Sinh Cafe at Mekong delta My Tho-Ben Tre tour. I think Sinhcafe is more fun for younger people compared to Saigontourist. Large group 2 buses. Saw all sorts of nationalities. Most irritating was a haseo family. Particularly rude boy and father. Singlish came in second especially during the rain when the aunty wanted the boat to turn back so she could return to shore. Siao. Just because you are wet. You were wearing raincoat. I had no cover. Very fun to see more people. Mekong was really nice. Slow and calm yet secretly bustling with activity. I want to be like Mekong Delta. Slow and calm on the outside yet my mind is able to work continuously.

Had the Banh Xeo at last. Cannot describe the taste, except nice. Don't ask me about the flavour. I was stumped for quite a while.

Came back and went for steamboat dinner. Nice as always with our benefactor. After that, we were chaffeured to the biggest disco in Saigon. No shit. Style and class which we really did not deserve. However, I learnt something. People in Saigon are like me. Haha. No dancing. just stationary momentary movement of body parts in sync with extremely bass-y house or big beat music. The Ah-beng in me was re-born for a while. That was until Yuki's bored face made us switch to the Hip Hop floor. Still the same. Stationary momentary movements of body parts.

In search of an epiphany part 2 day 3

In saigon for the 3rd day.
We had pho at the place where Clinton ate. Everyday the pho is improving, says yuki.

Visited the Reunification Palace and the War Remnants museum. I have been dying to visit these 2 places. All my memories from movies have increased my interest in finding out more about the Vietnam War. Visiting these 2 historical sites really made me appreciate the situation I'm in. I have never been in a war and dreamt of being in a war when I was younger. But to see what actually happens. Priceless.

I finally had some alone time in the afternoon. Swam and swam and swam. So much time to think. I think I have some idea about certain things. I pray that I will be right.

Went out with Mai again in the evening. She has been so nice to us, bringing us out even though we are like 10 years her junior and totally Gina.

In search of an epiphany part 2 day 2

Today was about 3 things. A fantastic morning, a 50/50 afternoon, and a wild night.

Fantastic morning.
Went to Cu Chi Tunnels. Today we went to Ben Duoc tunnels. 1st time for Yuki. I went to Ben Dinh the other time. That means I've completed the Cu Chi tour totally. You must really admire the perseverance of the Cu Chi people. No matter how many bombs the enemy drops on them, they never gave up the war. Continue digging and continue fighting. A rifle in one hand and a plough in the other. I went with a small group so not too much interaction actually. 1 japanese quiet guy, 1 thai lagi quiet guy, 1 indian chicken, 1 american bored man and 1 half-jap singaporean who slept until his neck was sore. The trip was worth it. Eye-opening for the sore necked.

50/50 afternoon
Went for massage. Yuki loves massages and I just don't like people touching my shoulder. 50/50

Wild night.
Why I could not upload the blog? First, we had a high-class dinner. We are definitely not back-packing. Then, we went to Lush. One thing I learned from a Hongkie, Saigon always has blackouts. We were hit twice within 1 hour. Many stories. But best kept in memory. I don't want to put out my best thoughts online. Just wild.

In search of an epiphany part 2 day 1

In Saigon, Vietnam.

Started the day very early. We wanted to catch the cheap bird so we did not have much of a choice (2 choices) that the tiger gave to us. Naturally, we took the earlier bird to fully utilise our time.

We were picked up and totally did not feel like backpackers. The large backpack was a total facade. The room is far from budget. Our video should explain. But our reason I cannot.



Our first stop was to get essentials. However, after a short visit to the local supermarket, our mindset changed. What is the point of travelling to another country when there is no change? We decided to do like how it should be done. We were already blessed with the room. That was more than enough. The simple act of seeing the price tag of an umbrella made us realise our reason for the trip. We didn't come here to live like how we live back home.

After a few futile attempts to contact our benefactor, we decided to walk it out. Taking photographs in a country where motorbike zoom past you with no apparent care can be quite harrowing. After a while, I hid my camera for my own psychological health. I just feel like my camera will be stolen whenever I try to keep it after a photograph. It makes taking photographs so difficult. Mentally.

Food wise? That's the reason why I came back. Pho.

Who I am.

People have facades or faces which they hide behind. There is the work face, the home face, the religious face and then there's the many different faces for different groups of friends. That is quite a bit to keep up. I do not think I am different. We like living in split personalities so that we can get the best out of all situations. Or at least we try to get the best out of every situation. Everyone tries but there can only be so many winners. So I asked myself who am I really? Actually, the pastor asked us to ask ourselves this question last week.

I sum myself up into 3 parts, 1.mind, 2.body, 3.soul.

1.Mind
My mind is too fast for myself. I sometimes think too far ahead and make decisions even before I can rationalise things. Thankfully, my mouth is still not as fast as my mind. But it is still too fast. I have made so many retarded comments that I wished I could have retracted but alas the damage has already been done.

2.Body
If my mind is fast, then my body is not too far behind. I move around alot and do my stuff quickly, although I can improve by moving faster on the soccer pitch. I guess I have a little ADHD. I've been trying to keep still for a very long time, but it is difficult when I feel there is so much to be done.

3.Soul
Lastly, my soul is way too slow for the rest. I often describe to people that my feet are moving fast trying to catch up with my mind and thoughts, and all this while my soul is still stuck somewhere at home trying to wake up. I do not appreciate the fast track life. Earn a bit less, live with a little less luxury but I get a whole lot more time to myself to just bum and do what I like. Maybe only then can I slow down and keep still.

living for the moment

People always say live for the moment. When the moment arrives, joy will overflow. I agree. But to live solely for the moment, I find that a disastor waiting to happen. How can you live everyday waiting for some magical moment while doing absolutely nothing to improve your chances of that happening. Striking the lottery may be easier. At least you put effort into queueing up for the ticket. I do not understand how some people can be so stupid. Lazy or optimistic would be their preferred choice of description.

I believe in remembering the past, living for the future and waiting for the moment. Since I have been living by these 3 principles, I have experienced success to certain degrees. Yes it is true that when the moment arrives, the success you achieve will be beyond your wildest imagination.


Principle 1: Remember the past
I learn from my mistakes so I will not commit them again in the future. Whatever mistakes another does in the past, I will remember because no one can say they have forgotten. But I will try not to bring it up to affect my judgment of the present. It is simply not fair to judge a person solely based on their past. But this is an unfair world.



Principle 2: Live for the future
Don't just sit there and wait. Work for it. Create opportunities for the moment to appear. As a Christian, God saved us by grace but not so that we can go back to living in our evil past. We have salvation but we must show gratitude to be good examples of his followers. In the same way, we must create options for the pass, if not the goal will never come.

Principle 3: Wait for the moment
This principle I cannot explain because it is too simple.

Where have the originals gone?

Everyday as I take the train back, I can't help but people-watch. Yes, the art so many Singaporeans have perfected. Both eyes staring straight down into oblivion but at the same time curiously observing people so that their comments list can be lengthened.

At first glance, it would be easy to spot the originals from the crispys, or so you think. The crispys have since integrated themselves so much into our culture that some look down-right original. You can no longer judge the flavour by looking at the skin. You need to taste to know the flavour.

It is very simple once the chicken opens its skin. The flavour cannot be wrong. No matter how hard you cook it, crispys remain crispy and originals still shine through with their spices.

So where have all the originals gone to? We are now left with a nation eating crispys and no one to support the originals. Remember the spices. They are the ones who brought glory to the name. The crispys may have caused the franchise to go global but it is the original that gives us the name.

Re-living the last day of WW1

November 11, 1918 will forever be remembered as the last day of the First World War. The day the rest of the world heaved a sigh of relief while some power-hungry war maniacs carried out some unforgiveably stupid acts. Was there a need to push on even though the end of war was eminent? Why weren't the troops informed of the impending end? Most crucially, hardly any senior ranking officers fought on that crucial but pointless 11th hour.

Put into perspective the lives we live today. Are we not committing the same mistakes as those senior officers? Are we not guilty of pushing the lower, dispensible foot soldiers to take unnecessary risks while the top vie for greater honours from the comfort of the plush roller-chairs? There is no denying that some great leaders that the share of the blame, if the not the greater, when things fail. That is the minimum of responsibility one should take when leading out a task. However, the danger is the development in the trend of up and coming leaders who seek to replace the topnotch. Because the topnotch is obviously not going to go so soon, the struggle for supremecy becomes heated up as the affluence of the new generation means more candidates for the same number of positions. Dog eat Dog? More like Dog devour Dog.

There needs to be in place a system of renewal with fair chances to all who strive for success. Or at least opportunities for growth should one fail. With that abundance of talent, why not create a new position? Then again, that would be utopic. We live to fight with one another. If not, how can we improve.

P.R.C.

Haven't made any entries in a while because I had someone to talk to and so did not the need to express myself to a reaction-less environment.

I recently made an interesting discovery which I believe the people who heard me did not quite catch. I only discovered it myself a few days later. When asked to describe who I was, I described myself as Practical, Realistic and Calculative. It would of course backfire at a joyous later event.

I've always prided myself as a practical and realistic person. Recently, I developed the calculative nature after several disappointments in our moral system forced me to think harder about my present future. Just like the ideals, I seek equality in treatment and pure democracy and meritocracy, fully understanding that the pure-ness of both would ultimately result in anarchy. But it is the jealousy of unequal treatment that drives me in my thoughts.

But, on the lighter side, these powerful symbols are often idolized on t-shirts and logos worn by people who do not really bother about governance issues promoting an anarchaic world.

in search of an epiphany

It suddenly dawned on me that I have been looking and pursuing in the wrong direction for quite a while now. Are the treasure that I seek truly those that I deserve? Then again, so what if I deserve those treasures? Are those treasure meant for me? Are the treasures the right treasures? I begin to ask myself these questions as I seek now to fill up the void in my train of thoughts. What once seemed so clear has become hazy as the reality of social conflict hit me so hard I hardly had time to breathe.

An epiphany is defined by dictionary.com as a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience. I think that's what I need now. I need to fill the voidness in my life with a sense of direction. No matter how hard you argue, you simply cannot drive a car without direction. Even going around the neighbourhood with nowhere in mind has a venue, has an objective. Eventually, you arrive at a destination, be it due to a lack of petrol or simply because that is where you were meant to be.

I'm at half tank now. However, the choices of pump stations are plenty and the new problem is now choosing a pump station. Hopefully, when I fill up my tank, I will receive directions to where I'm heading.

Which is the more fundamental truth?

I attended a bible exposition today and it was very interesting. I was super impressed with what I believed was the take-home message. Here's how it went in my mind.

Question: Why are some people born so beautiful, athletic, attractive, smart, etc etc?
Answer 1: Its due to their genetic set-up and cultural upbringing.
Answer 2: God has blessed them.
The truth is both answers are true. But which is the more fundamental truth?

Question: Why do the nicest people in the world sometimes have the lousiest luck?
Answer 1: Nice guys finish last. Dog eat dog. They didn't take their opportunity when it was laid before them.
Answer 2: Satan is behind their demise.
Answer 3: God sanctioned it to strengthen their faith.
Again, all answers can be true. But which is the more fundamental truth?

It is not as if the other is less fundamentally true compared to the other. It is just which is more. The exposition is really stimulating my thinking. It gives me a different perspective of looking at things.

iron-y

I had the weirdest conversation today, albeit a good one. I was attending a friend's wedding and I met this old friend of mine. The whole night all we could talk about was exactly opposite of what matrimony stood for. No union of 2 souls eternally (true way) or temporarily (modern methods). It was amazing. We had been in exactly the same situation with the same results. We even did the same things and hoped for the same things. The weirdness is completed when we talked about the same voidness in our current lives. The whole irony of the situation was that it was at our friend's wedding. So strange, so weird. Thus I have come up with the "broke-back" theory. If you had watched the show, you would understand why male bonding is so strong.

Best Birthday ever.. so far...

I just had my best birthday ever. Here are the reasons why.

1. I went through the whole day at work with no one telling me Happy Birthday. I can't explain it but it felt good. Most likely because I hate being in the limelight.

2. Even though my friends wanted to surprise me with a celebration. I sorta saw through our party planner (small boy) and it turned out nice. Just a hang out session where we talked about another friend's new adventure into working life.

3. At home, for the 1st time, no cake. Just BJ ice cream. Beautiful.

A perfect birthday. Peaceful.

Lousy Lousy Lousy

Sir Alex has done many incredible things over his many years as the groomer of the Red Devil's. However, his one mistake was re-hiring Mr Queiroz. Queiroz is one of the most defensive minded managers you can find on this planet. Get 1 goal and defend the lead.

Sir Alex has built his team on attacking flair. Get 2 steady centre-backs with 1 holding midfielder protecting them. That's enough for defence. It's all about the attack. 2 attacking full-backs who are fit enough to bomb up and down the flanks. A creative central midfielder to orchestrate the plays. 2 flamboyant wingers who can bring in crosses from everywhere or cut infield to score themselves. Right up the field, he prefers 1 predatory poacher and another hustler who has the lungs to outrun any defender. That's the Ferguson style of football that made so many become fans.

However, Mr Queiroz is a totally different story. You can tell when he's in charge. Midfielders and full-backs drop back to defend the lead and long-balls start raining into empty space to burn the precious energy of the precious forwards. But his worst quality has got to be his money face. When he left United for real madrid, many were already predicting his downfall. And fall he did. What a lousy season. Disgraceful by any standards.

Madness saved Queiroz cause Sir Alex decided to give him another chance. And what did he do? When Sir Alex announced that he wasn't retiring so soon, Uncle Queiroz said he couldn't wait even though Sir Alex said Queiroz was most likely to succeed him. Bloody power hungry bugger. And now where is going to? To coach portugal. Ha. Land of money face. There's another one at United creating disharmony. When will money be enough for these guys? chelsea have already secured the services of quite a number of money faces. Good luck to them. Scolari leads the pack with newbie Bosingwa tying up the strings. It's all about the money. So go on, follow uncle Queiroz. Follow the money and see what becomes. As if real madrid was not a lesson enough.

Running Idol

Motivation training with Paula Radcliffe and Nike+

My running idol is Paula Radcliffe. I'm not a strong runner, especially over the middle distances. The long the race, the stronger I become. I know I'm a guy but the guys in enduro racing are seriously long legged and their styles are out of this world. I like Paula's style. It's very strong and smooth. A lot of power yet graceful. Whenever I imagine her running style and copy it, I can go faster. It especially works on the slopes.

Working the shifts

Do you always take the train at the same time every morning to work? You would actually occassionally see the same guy seat opposite you, right? Creepy. After an extended period, you'd both actually realise that your lives are so intertwined yet due to the lack of communication, you can't even bring a smile forward. I was so used to seeing the same people every morning on my way to work that I would purposefully change train cabins in order to mix up my environments.

Now, I'm on a different shift. I tell you, the people who go to work a little later are surprisingly better-looking than the early birds. I mean, they are actually lookable and less likely to create an incident than the pre-sunlight crowd. Maybe it's because the vampires are made up of students who don't really want to go to school (and look really young and disinterested in life) and others who go to office early so that the late people can get the sunshine to make themselves more radiant. Yes, they look more radiant. Yes, they look prettier. Unlike the vampires which force you to go into a state of non-sleeping sleep in order to avoid the glare when they supposedly expect you to give up your seat to them even though they look perfectly capable to stand for the 20 minutes or so.

Alas, although the positives are there in the eye-candy. Going early means sacrificing a break for my legs. My trip is not 20 minutes unlike some "deserving" train riders. And my day does not include sitting for more than an hour. If you are fit enough to stand and your job requires you to sit 80% of the time or roll from point A to point B, spare a thought for others. There are many of us who'd rather not have eye candy and rest our legs. Stop the staring and glaring. If it's not your turn to sit, so be it. I won't stare at you if I were in your position.

What's up Singapore?

Following up on my rant on our train service. I wanna share with you 3 encounters I had on our trains. What's up Singapore? Seriously, what the?

Encounter 1
I was coming home from a game of basketball and was still in my gear as I was too lazy to bathe or change. As you know, basketball attire is kind of airy with large gaping holes for sleeves. So as I was standing in the crowded train, I felt something like a hand feeling my back. I thought I was standing too close to someone and they just defending their space. But then, I felt the hand move. I turned around but found no one suspicious enough to shout at. What's up Singapore?

Encounter 2
I had gotten on the train and found a seat. The standard singaporean behavious was to blast on the mp3 and pretend to sleep. I wasn't sleeping though. Anyway, the train stopped and passengers got on. This malay uncle, who looks old and is fat, walked in and towards my direction. I was intending to do the kind thing and give up my seat after I had selected my playlist and put my mp3 player in my bag. Hey, guess what? Before I could get up, he turned his fat ass and started to seat down. I felt his heavy ass on my thighs and had no choice but push him up before relenting my seat. What's up Singapore?

Encounter 3
I was transferring trains from one line to another. Basically, all you need to do is walk across the platform. The standard Singaporean method of transferring trains is to run across the platform as if your life depended on getting on that particular train. I normally make it just in time before the door closes. Anyway, I was getting to my train and the door was closing. The entrance is crowded as usualy because people in the centre of the carriage normally have smelly armpits or fat asses as they seem to have a perimeter built around them. Just before I stepped into the carriage, this indian man, possibly a foreign worker due to his dressing, overtook me and literally used 2 hands to push me out of the train so he could squeeze onto the remaining 10cm by 10cm space left. The door closed and the train left. I was still on the platform. What's up Singapore?

Go Green with ?

Our kind MRT providers have recently launched a new campaign that hopes to encourage the public to take public transport rather than drive automobiles.

I think its a fantastic idea. Saving Gaia. We are all responsible for its destruction, the least we can do is to reduce the inevitable. Personally, 80% of my transport involves the public train. But with prices soaring, is taking the train an economical solution? We definitely agree that it is an environmental solution. But the profit-making strategists have been hard at work and have successfully made riding the train almost equivalent to riding a super-lousy but moveable motorcycle. And they are not stopping there. We live on such a tiny island. Is there really a need for competition between our 2 train service providers? We can understand the need to competition between bus or cab companies to improve service. But with only 2 train service providers, does the competition justify the price hike? Did service improve? Afterall, our train services are more like 95% self-service. The remaining 5% belonging to 1st time travellers or people who are genuinely lost. By making us pay more, how much of Gaia are we really saving? Look deeper into the darker corners of life and you may just realise you're not really saving anything at all.

Too bad for me. I get bus-sick so I have to suck it up and continue with trains. Don't get me started on bus companies. Sometimes taking the train is cheaper than taking the bus, although it is obviously cheaper to run a bus and more comfortable to ride a train. Maybe we should start biking around the reallt save Gaia. Again, too bad our motorists think bikes are false-wheels who patronise the road meant for real-wheels.

the tables have turned

The revelation of Euro 08 was that Turkey, a team of relatively weaker players were suddenly winning matches against mightier opponents such as Croatia and the Czech Republic. These were teams brimming with stars from the major european leagues. However, it was the sheer will of the courageous turks who won in the end. Everytime, they scored with virtually the last kick of the game. How is it possible? Hard work seems to be the key to their success. Kudos to Turkey. There is no other country who can possibly come back from the brink of death to snatch victory. No one can deny their high work rate. However, no one can also deny the element of luck. How much luck can one have?

Sadly, the tables have turned on Turkey. The once almighty last-gasp scorers were outdone by their own medicine. The illustrious and equally lucky Germans scored a last-gasp winner of their own. Although Turkey was playing virtually a reserve team, they never gave in and were perhaps the better team at the start making Lehmann work hard for his jersey. Alas, the dream ended cruelly when Lahm made a fantastic penetrative run into the heart of the Turkish defence and scored the winning goal to make up for his poor 1st half display. Now, the finals approach. Will the tables turn on the lucky again? Can the luckless change their fortunes?

Time just can't stand still in Singapore

We're not looking, just loitering

?Left or Right?

The thinker

1 leg @ a time

Shop Non-stop

The Best Album ever

Have you ever liked an album so much that you thought that it would be the best album ever and then a few months later you liked another? Have you seriously thought that it was the best album you ever loved? Did you like every single song in it? I mean, EVERY! Most of us love a certain album but not necessarily every single song in it. There's gotta be 1 or 2 or maybe more that we aren't so interested in. You love the songs the band plays but they can come from different albums. So, do you have an album which you absolutely love every single song?

I have one such album. The unbelieveable thing is that my dad bought it for me. He had totally no idea what sort of songs were on it. He just bought it and gave it to me. I seriously love every single song in it. It has been a 12 year love story and I still play it on my ipod. The whole album from front to back. I have to play it from track 1 to track 14. It has shaped my life totally. My choice of music is influenced by it.

Tragic Kingdom by No Doubt

1. "Spiderwebs" (Gwen Stefani, Tony Kanal) – 4:28
2. "Excuse me Mr." (G. Stefani, Tom Dumont) – 3:04
3. "Just a Girl" (G. Stefani, Dumont) – 3:29
4. "Happy Now?" (G. Stefani, Dumont, Kanal) – 3:43
5. "Different People" (Eric Stefani, G. Stefani, Kanal) – 4:34
6. "Hey You" (G. Stefani, Kanal) – 3:34
7. "The Climb" (E. Stefani) – 6:37
8. "Sixteen" (G. Stefani, Kanal) – 3:21
9. "Sunday Morning" (Kanal, G. Stefani, E. Stefani) – 4:33
10. "Don't Speak" (E. Stefani, G. Stefani) – 4:23
11. "You Can Do It" (G. Stefani, E. Stefani, Dumont, Kanal) – 4:13
12. "World Go 'Round" (Kanal, G. Stefani) – 4:09
13. "End It on This" (G. Stefani, Dumont, Kanal, E. Stefani) – 3:45
14. "Tragic Kingdom" (E. Stefani) – 5:31

Resolute

What is being resolute? Resolute comes from the word, resolve. Right? Well, dictionary.com defines it as simply firm or determined, unwavering. If you could split the word resolve up, you'd get re and solve. That means there must be a problem to be solved and you probably failed to solve it the 1st time, that is why you need to re-solve it. When you can re-solve the issue, you become unwavering when the next problem hits you. I don't believe in life has no problems or that we should avoid problems in life in order to be peaceful. Life has many problems and yeah, we should tackle it as it comes instead of just trying to drive round it. I'm not saying bang head on. That would be stupidity. Go try to solve it. If you fail, pick yourself up and try again. Try and try until you have re-solved the problem. Then you would have become resolute. Firmness in decision, determined never to give up solving the issue and unwavering when it comes to the next problem.

The Resolute Desk

Down but not out and still not staying down

Depressive people need to wake up to the fact that if they shun away from others and reject help, they will only draw themselves deeper into the sick, sad, little world. I once was depressed to a state that nothing could possibly cheer me up. I was sick of being at the wrong end of things. Even now, I still feel I'm at the wrong end of things. But the difference is that I was snapped out of it. I used to think that I could just escape into my depression and if no one bothered me for a while I would get out of it. How wrong I was. I just became more and more depressed as I thought no one would care about me. I lost most of my friends and ended up all lonely. Depression really kicked up many notches when I felt alone. I'm sorry if some of you depressed people read about this and want to argue with the fact that I am not sympathetic to your cause. This worked for me and I hope it can work for some of you. Whenever I allowed myself to think that I would only get worse if I hung out with others, I really did become more depressed an pushed away some people who actually really cared for me. I lost some friends in the process and it only made matters worse. I have learnt my lessson. When I started to accept the fact that I was really wallowing in my own shit, then I realised my stupidity in rejecting help in the first place. Someone told me I should not be perpetually depressed. It woke me up and I never looked back. I now try my best to refrain from calling myself depressed.

What is the point of being depressed? We all know that it is an unavoidable situation. When shit happens, even to the best of us, we get sad. We feel rejected. Those are normal. Its when we start to think that our failure is a special case that we decided to buy the train ticket for the depressive train ride. The walk from the entrance of the train station to the ticket counter is the most crucial, cause once you're aboard the train, it's almost impossible to turn back. You would need to run past all the others who are trying to board the train and then you'd have to jump the counter. I believe in the choices we make. If I had continued to stay depressed for the extended periods I would not have seen some of the things I see now. I still become depressed nowadays, if not everyday. I'm still on the road to recovery. Every day, there is something to make me sad. People who don't agree, people who just want to fight it out with you, or just some rude person. If I had a timer, I would hope I can stop my sadness within the 1st 15 minutes. I'm realistic. 15 minutes is hopefully enough. I don't agree with the fact that we get out of the wrong side of the bed. That's just buying an advanced train ticket.

I'm sorry to those who don't agree. We all have different formulas for success. This is mine. I force myself to stay positive for extended periods because I'm simply too good at spotting the negativity in things. People call me a pessimist for not seeing the lighter side of things. But I believe I'm not yet an optimist but I definitely enjoy being the realist that I am. I seem the function better and stay happier longer. Until I find a better formula, this works for me but I'm not going to stay put on this set of rules. I will continually seek better formulas because life is too short to park my ass so early.

When I get home

Day1
Exp time: 1/640s
f number: 5.6
iso: 100










Day2
Exp time: 1/640s
f number: 5.6
iso: 100

Day3
Exp time: 1/640s
f number: 5.6
iso: 100











Day4
Exp time: 1/100s
f number: 2.7
iso: 100

















Day5
Exp time: 1/500s
f number: 5.6
iso: 100








Day6
Exp time: 1/1250s
f number: 6.3
iso: 100




All shots taken with Canon Powershot S5IS with GroBartiG Super Wide 0.45X lens

Reflex-ology

Reflex-ology is the art being able to react to any situation in any circumstance. I admire the masters of reflex-ology. People like Jesus, who no matter what shit others throw at him including the devil himself, is yet able to turn the situation around into a valuable teaching point. Great formula drivers have fantastic reflexes but I feel the great masters are the WRC drivers. You see, they have to bother with so much more than just pure speed down the straights, or powering out of a corner. Those things do bother them. But it is the fact that they have those things on their mind while at the same time managing the transmission, while at the same time listening and deciphering the rapid orders given by their co-drivers, while at the same time driving on some of the most unforgiving roads ever. Whao. As much a mouthful as it is a mind-full. I wonder if I can ever be that good at what I do. To be able to turn every situation, no matter how shitty, into an advantageous position. I think even the great masters worry, but it is the fact that they remain calm in the situation that enables them to think of a solution even faster than we can say "oh shit!" The word shit to them is solely used for explaining defacation and not like how a lot of us use it to explain almost every scenario laid before us. I have some reflex-ology models before me. I hope I can be one too.

2 basic rules amateur referees need to know properly

Here's a guide to amateur referees who do not understand the basic rules. This was taken from fifa.com (http://www.fifa.com/mm/document/affederation/federation/laws%5fof%5fthe%5fgame%5f0708%5f10565.pdf)
Please read and understand the 2 basic rules. Thank you.

LAW 15 – THE THROW-IN
A throw-in is a method of restarting play.
A goal cannot be scored directly from a throw-in.
A throw-in is awarded:
• when the whole of the ball passes over the touch line, either on
the ground or in the air
• from the point where it crossed the touch line
• to the opponents of the player who last touched the ball
Procedure
At the moment of delivering the ball, the thrower:
• faces the field of play
• has part of each foot either on the touch line or on the ground outside the touch line
• uses both hands
• delivers the ball from behind and over his head
The thrower may not touch the ball again until it has touched another
player.
All opponents must stand no less than 2 meters from the point at
which the throw-in is taken.
The ball is in play immediately after it enters the fi eld of play.

Infringements/Sanctions
Throw-in taken by a player other than the goalkeeper
If, after the ball is in play, the thrower touches the ball a second time
(except with his hands) before it has touched another player:
• an indirect free kick is awarded to the opposing team, the kick to
be taken from the place where the infringement occurred
If, after the ball is in play, the thrower deliberately handles the ball
before it has touched another player:
• a direct free kick is awarded to the opposing team, the kick to be
taken from the place where the infringement occurred
• a penalty kick is awarded if the infringement occurred inside the
thrower’s penalty area
Throw-in taken by the goalkeeper
If, after the ball is in play, the goalkeeper touches the ball a second
time (except with his hands), before it has touched another player:
• an indirect free kick is awarded to the opposing team, the kick to
be taken from the place where the infringement occurred
If, after the ball is in play, the goalkeeper deliberately handles the ball
before it has touched another player:
• a direct free kick is awarded to the opposing team if the infringement
occurred outside the goalkeeper’s penalty area, the kick to
be taken from the place where the infringement occurred
• an indirect free kick is awarded to the opposing team if the
infringement occurred inside the goalkeeper’s penalty area, the
kick to be taken from the place where the infringement occurred
If an opponent unfairly distracts or impedes the thrower:
• he is cautioned for unsporting behaviour and shown the yellow
card
For any other infringement of this Law:
• the throw-in is taken by a player of the opposing team


Offside Position
It is not an offence in itself to be in an offside position.
A player is in an offside position if:
• he is nearer to his opponents’ goal line than both the ball and the
second last opponent
A player is not in an offside position if:
• he is in his own half of the field of play or
• he is level with the second last opponent or
• he is level with the last two opponents
Offence
A player in an offside position is only penalised if, at the moment the
ball touches or is played by one of his team, he is, in the opinion of
the referee, involved in active play by:
• interfering with play or
• interfering with an opponent or
• gaining an advantage by being in that position
No Offence
There is no offside offence if a player receives the ball directly from: • a goal kick or • a throw-in or • a corner kick
Infringements/Sanctions
For any offside offence, the referee awards an indirect free kick to the
opposing team to be taken from the place where the infringement
occurred.

The totally biased top 10 cars of my time

cars are placed in no order whatsoever. they are just iconic to me. all pictures were taken from the web. if anyone were to tell me to remove it cause you feel I shouldn't be placing your car here, feel free to inform me and I will remove. I respect this cars cause they shaped me.

The Mitsubishi FTO

Why did Mitsubishi built so few of these? Why? Why do they want to deprive me? why?

The Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution 7

If you noticed, the evo 7,8,9 look awfully similar in engine and shape. I'd go for the big brother of them all.











The Volkswagen Concept A

What a design. An off-roader with suicide doors. Too bad its a concept. The Tiguan just ain't the same.








The Volkswagen Golf TSI

Brilliant engine. 1.4l? Don't be fooled. The first time I heard the engine roar, I fell in love with it.












The Audi TT

Mr icon. I started the shape. Ms "white-lady" copied my shape but I don't care. Do I need to bother? haha..










The Aston Martin DB9 & The Maserati Coupe

These 2 look so nice. I dream my wedding car would be one of them instead of the usual merc or whatever. It doesn't matter. They can't beat these 2. Eat me alive.












The Nissan Silvia S15

Possibly the most beautiful drift car ever. Shake the ass.









The Ferrari F40 & The Ferrari F50

I grew up with models of the same 2 cars. Formula 1 technology in a street legal car. The F40 started it. The F50 just taught the rest how to make speed look beautiful.

Faith

What is faith? Faith is like totally believing in something that has yet to occur. I guess the key word would be totally. No point believing part of it. That's not faith. There's still doubt. As long as doubt exists in thought, we cannot possibly expect to be fully faithful. I see faith as applicable to all things, religion, relationships, behaviour and even choices. The choices we make each and every time affects the next. I feel that its more like the choices we don't make that really affects our lives. Often, I have numerous opportunities to make a choice and tada... I made none. No wonder I'm bored out of my wits. I guess I need a little more faith to make the right choice. Faith in God, Faith in People, Faith in the food I eat, Faith in the things I say, Faith in myself. If I ain't got faith in even myself, what more am I to expect of others. Reflect on it, brother. Stop talking. Start listening to yourself. But never let your mind take control over your life. Cause when an idle mind starts taking over, the results just cannot be what it should be. I've been idling for too long. My mind is all confused about when to start and when to stop. In my own words, no wonder I can't run fast. My mind is too confused when to go and when to stop. It just goes on and on in its own circles, going nowhere. Just gotta have a little more faith.