in search of an epiphany

It suddenly dawned on me that I have been looking and pursuing in the wrong direction for quite a while now. Are the treasure that I seek truly those that I deserve? Then again, so what if I deserve those treasures? Are those treasure meant for me? Are the treasures the right treasures? I begin to ask myself these questions as I seek now to fill up the void in my train of thoughts. What once seemed so clear has become hazy as the reality of social conflict hit me so hard I hardly had time to breathe.

An epiphany is defined by dictionary.com as a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience. I think that's what I need now. I need to fill the voidness in my life with a sense of direction. No matter how hard you argue, you simply cannot drive a car without direction. Even going around the neighbourhood with nowhere in mind has a venue, has an objective. Eventually, you arrive at a destination, be it due to a lack of petrol or simply because that is where you were meant to be.

I'm at half tank now. However, the choices of pump stations are plenty and the new problem is now choosing a pump station. Hopefully, when I fill up my tank, I will receive directions to where I'm heading.

Which is the more fundamental truth?

I attended a bible exposition today and it was very interesting. I was super impressed with what I believed was the take-home message. Here's how it went in my mind.

Question: Why are some people born so beautiful, athletic, attractive, smart, etc etc?
Answer 1: Its due to their genetic set-up and cultural upbringing.
Answer 2: God has blessed them.
The truth is both answers are true. But which is the more fundamental truth?

Question: Why do the nicest people in the world sometimes have the lousiest luck?
Answer 1: Nice guys finish last. Dog eat dog. They didn't take their opportunity when it was laid before them.
Answer 2: Satan is behind their demise.
Answer 3: God sanctioned it to strengthen their faith.
Again, all answers can be true. But which is the more fundamental truth?

It is not as if the other is less fundamentally true compared to the other. It is just which is more. The exposition is really stimulating my thinking. It gives me a different perspective of looking at things.

iron-y

I had the weirdest conversation today, albeit a good one. I was attending a friend's wedding and I met this old friend of mine. The whole night all we could talk about was exactly opposite of what matrimony stood for. No union of 2 souls eternally (true way) or temporarily (modern methods). It was amazing. We had been in exactly the same situation with the same results. We even did the same things and hoped for the same things. The weirdness is completed when we talked about the same voidness in our current lives. The whole irony of the situation was that it was at our friend's wedding. So strange, so weird. Thus I have come up with the "broke-back" theory. If you had watched the show, you would understand why male bonding is so strong.

Best Birthday ever.. so far...

I just had my best birthday ever. Here are the reasons why.

1. I went through the whole day at work with no one telling me Happy Birthday. I can't explain it but it felt good. Most likely because I hate being in the limelight.

2. Even though my friends wanted to surprise me with a celebration. I sorta saw through our party planner (small boy) and it turned out nice. Just a hang out session where we talked about another friend's new adventure into working life.

3. At home, for the 1st time, no cake. Just BJ ice cream. Beautiful.

A perfect birthday. Peaceful.

Lousy Lousy Lousy

Sir Alex has done many incredible things over his many years as the groomer of the Red Devil's. However, his one mistake was re-hiring Mr Queiroz. Queiroz is one of the most defensive minded managers you can find on this planet. Get 1 goal and defend the lead.

Sir Alex has built his team on attacking flair. Get 2 steady centre-backs with 1 holding midfielder protecting them. That's enough for defence. It's all about the attack. 2 attacking full-backs who are fit enough to bomb up and down the flanks. A creative central midfielder to orchestrate the plays. 2 flamboyant wingers who can bring in crosses from everywhere or cut infield to score themselves. Right up the field, he prefers 1 predatory poacher and another hustler who has the lungs to outrun any defender. That's the Ferguson style of football that made so many become fans.

However, Mr Queiroz is a totally different story. You can tell when he's in charge. Midfielders and full-backs drop back to defend the lead and long-balls start raining into empty space to burn the precious energy of the precious forwards. But his worst quality has got to be his money face. When he left United for real madrid, many were already predicting his downfall. And fall he did. What a lousy season. Disgraceful by any standards.

Madness saved Queiroz cause Sir Alex decided to give him another chance. And what did he do? When Sir Alex announced that he wasn't retiring so soon, Uncle Queiroz said he couldn't wait even though Sir Alex said Queiroz was most likely to succeed him. Bloody power hungry bugger. And now where is going to? To coach portugal. Ha. Land of money face. There's another one at United creating disharmony. When will money be enough for these guys? chelsea have already secured the services of quite a number of money faces. Good luck to them. Scolari leads the pack with newbie Bosingwa tying up the strings. It's all about the money. So go on, follow uncle Queiroz. Follow the money and see what becomes. As if real madrid was not a lesson enough.

Running Idol

Motivation training with Paula Radcliffe and Nike+

My running idol is Paula Radcliffe. I'm not a strong runner, especially over the middle distances. The long the race, the stronger I become. I know I'm a guy but the guys in enduro racing are seriously long legged and their styles are out of this world. I like Paula's style. It's very strong and smooth. A lot of power yet graceful. Whenever I imagine her running style and copy it, I can go faster. It especially works on the slopes.

Working the shifts

Do you always take the train at the same time every morning to work? You would actually occassionally see the same guy seat opposite you, right? Creepy. After an extended period, you'd both actually realise that your lives are so intertwined yet due to the lack of communication, you can't even bring a smile forward. I was so used to seeing the same people every morning on my way to work that I would purposefully change train cabins in order to mix up my environments.

Now, I'm on a different shift. I tell you, the people who go to work a little later are surprisingly better-looking than the early birds. I mean, they are actually lookable and less likely to create an incident than the pre-sunlight crowd. Maybe it's because the vampires are made up of students who don't really want to go to school (and look really young and disinterested in life) and others who go to office early so that the late people can get the sunshine to make themselves more radiant. Yes, they look more radiant. Yes, they look prettier. Unlike the vampires which force you to go into a state of non-sleeping sleep in order to avoid the glare when they supposedly expect you to give up your seat to them even though they look perfectly capable to stand for the 20 minutes or so.

Alas, although the positives are there in the eye-candy. Going early means sacrificing a break for my legs. My trip is not 20 minutes unlike some "deserving" train riders. And my day does not include sitting for more than an hour. If you are fit enough to stand and your job requires you to sit 80% of the time or roll from point A to point B, spare a thought for others. There are many of us who'd rather not have eye candy and rest our legs. Stop the staring and glaring. If it's not your turn to sit, so be it. I won't stare at you if I were in your position.