Fickleness

I was trained to be an officer. What does it take to be an officer you'd ask me? I do not suscribe to the belief that the officer must be the smartest person, the fittest person or even the bravest person? He cannot possibly be the EVERYTHING-EST person, otherwise he would be perfect. How many perfect people can we seriously find? He is the leader but if you expect him to make every single decision right, that would be a tad too much to ask. But one thing is for certain, you should be able to rely on him to make a decision.

I believe officers should be described in 2 words, Boringly Reliable. After all, they have to make important and not so important decisions all the time. And you can definitely rely on them to decide. They are boring because they can be so reliable that there should not be any surprises. Even if there was a sudden change of plans (which happens all the time), these guys are so reliable that they should reverse the situation until no one notices. Would you want an Excitingly Unpredictable leader? You never know when their next move will be.

So what is so bad about being Boringly Reliable? Why do people seek the unpredictable? Is it more exciting? Mor thrills when you cannot guess their next move? What is so bad about being sure that your guy brings back the dough and makes you happy cause you don't have to worry? Sometimes, we seek to worry because we find our lives too boring and monotonous. Everyday the same things. We take interest in the unpredictable because it catches us off guard and tests our reflexes. If everything goes smoothly, everyone is happy. But when something goes wrong, relief may not be so near. At the end of the day, even the most wild seek stability in their lives. But don't deprive yourself of some fun. Even the boringly reliable know how to have fun.

Express Cut butcher

I visited a barber shop today hoping to get a haircut. Instead I walked right into a butcher shop and the butcheress was just about the make tail soup. Where else better to get the ingredients than from my head. What was I thinking trusting such a place?

Just because I was wearing a soccer jersey, shorts, slippers, carrying a slingbag, clean shaven due to the nature of my work, boyish looking does not mean I am some GINA. I know we are all just doing our jobs. But at least do your job. Your job was to listen to the customer and give them what they want not what they deserve. If that was part of your job description, you would be my parent. But you are not.

You started off fine enough. Why did you have to let your own morals and blind judgment take over. My overlapped sides did not even have a single strand of hair sticking out. Where is the overlap? I asked to follow my existing tail. Why did you have to cut it into a bushy fox tail? Since when did you become my moral authority?

Monochrome futility

Black is the absence of colour
An opposite of white which people deem pure
Yet relentlessly pursued in present day.

Black is the foundation by which we have all colours
If not for its absence how can we have presence

The fat pursue black believing in its slimming powers
But they forget in the light it merely highlights
In the day, you stand out in the light
In the night, the light bounces of you
There is no escaping the fact
Unless maybe it was matt

The slim also pursue the black, believing in its coolness
But they forget that black retains warmth
And when they heat up, they curse and swear
Now where is the coolness in all of that

Yet if we have the time to sit and think
Are we not merely chasing a useless dream
To be someone we are not
Because we were not born black or white
Our lives neither have an absence or an absolute of colour
We are different shades of hue

If we have the time to look
We will know that black is never black
Because white will not let it be black
Neither will black let white be white
Although the futility of pursuit is obvious
It is also the reason why we move the way we do

In search of an epiphany part 2 day 6

Last day in Saigon. It is so sad we had to leave. Anyway it was getting crowded. No peace in crowds. It was so hard to say goodbye but we had to. Back to reality bringing with us all the lessons learnt and all the thoughts processed. I sincerely hope I have cleared my mind. I know now what I must do.

Tam Biet Saigon. Tam Biet 507.

In search of an epiphany part 2 day 5

Today we finally had pho at pho minh. The absolution of pho. In my terms. The trip was suppose to have started out with pho minh but we ended it instead. Still it was enough to enlighten me and made the whole trip purposeful. The trip has achieved its purpose. I know what I must do now.

Thus the whole day was just about relaxing and trying to enjoy myself. I succeeded in most part. Most.

No photos today because I had to think.

Oh yeah. Today was also the day I enjoyed the best Xe Moto melody. Beautiful.

In search of an epiphany part 2 day 4

Woke up intending to swim but did not. Questioned my reasoning for wanting to swim. Could not answer myself. Had to console myself with the fact that I hated the cold water.

We spent the day with Sinh Cafe at Mekong delta My Tho-Ben Tre tour. I think Sinhcafe is more fun for younger people compared to Saigontourist. Large group 2 buses. Saw all sorts of nationalities. Most irritating was a haseo family. Particularly rude boy and father. Singlish came in second especially during the rain when the aunty wanted the boat to turn back so she could return to shore. Siao. Just because you are wet. You were wearing raincoat. I had no cover. Very fun to see more people. Mekong was really nice. Slow and calm yet secretly bustling with activity. I want to be like Mekong Delta. Slow and calm on the outside yet my mind is able to work continuously.

Had the Banh Xeo at last. Cannot describe the taste, except nice. Don't ask me about the flavour. I was stumped for quite a while.

Came back and went for steamboat dinner. Nice as always with our benefactor. After that, we were chaffeured to the biggest disco in Saigon. No shit. Style and class which we really did not deserve. However, I learnt something. People in Saigon are like me. Haha. No dancing. just stationary momentary movement of body parts in sync with extremely bass-y house or big beat music. The Ah-beng in me was re-born for a while. That was until Yuki's bored face made us switch to the Hip Hop floor. Still the same. Stationary momentary movements of body parts.

In search of an epiphany part 2 day 3

In saigon for the 3rd day.
We had pho at the place where Clinton ate. Everyday the pho is improving, says yuki.

Visited the Reunification Palace and the War Remnants museum. I have been dying to visit these 2 places. All my memories from movies have increased my interest in finding out more about the Vietnam War. Visiting these 2 historical sites really made me appreciate the situation I'm in. I have never been in a war and dreamt of being in a war when I was younger. But to see what actually happens. Priceless.

I finally had some alone time in the afternoon. Swam and swam and swam. So much time to think. I think I have some idea about certain things. I pray that I will be right.

Went out with Mai again in the evening. She has been so nice to us, bringing us out even though we are like 10 years her junior and totally Gina.

In search of an epiphany part 2 day 2

Today was about 3 things. A fantastic morning, a 50/50 afternoon, and a wild night.

Fantastic morning.
Went to Cu Chi Tunnels. Today we went to Ben Duoc tunnels. 1st time for Yuki. I went to Ben Dinh the other time. That means I've completed the Cu Chi tour totally. You must really admire the perseverance of the Cu Chi people. No matter how many bombs the enemy drops on them, they never gave up the war. Continue digging and continue fighting. A rifle in one hand and a plough in the other. I went with a small group so not too much interaction actually. 1 japanese quiet guy, 1 thai lagi quiet guy, 1 indian chicken, 1 american bored man and 1 half-jap singaporean who slept until his neck was sore. The trip was worth it. Eye-opening for the sore necked.

50/50 afternoon
Went for massage. Yuki loves massages and I just don't like people touching my shoulder. 50/50

Wild night.
Why I could not upload the blog? First, we had a high-class dinner. We are definitely not back-packing. Then, we went to Lush. One thing I learned from a Hongkie, Saigon always has blackouts. We were hit twice within 1 hour. Many stories. But best kept in memory. I don't want to put out my best thoughts online. Just wild.

In search of an epiphany part 2 day 1

In Saigon, Vietnam.

Started the day very early. We wanted to catch the cheap bird so we did not have much of a choice (2 choices) that the tiger gave to us. Naturally, we took the earlier bird to fully utilise our time.

We were picked up and totally did not feel like backpackers. The large backpack was a total facade. The room is far from budget. Our video should explain. But our reason I cannot.



Our first stop was to get essentials. However, after a short visit to the local supermarket, our mindset changed. What is the point of travelling to another country when there is no change? We decided to do like how it should be done. We were already blessed with the room. That was more than enough. The simple act of seeing the price tag of an umbrella made us realise our reason for the trip. We didn't come here to live like how we live back home.

After a few futile attempts to contact our benefactor, we decided to walk it out. Taking photographs in a country where motorbike zoom past you with no apparent care can be quite harrowing. After a while, I hid my camera for my own psychological health. I just feel like my camera will be stolen whenever I try to keep it after a photograph. It makes taking photographs so difficult. Mentally.

Food wise? That's the reason why I came back. Pho.

Who I am.

People have facades or faces which they hide behind. There is the work face, the home face, the religious face and then there's the many different faces for different groups of friends. That is quite a bit to keep up. I do not think I am different. We like living in split personalities so that we can get the best out of all situations. Or at least we try to get the best out of every situation. Everyone tries but there can only be so many winners. So I asked myself who am I really? Actually, the pastor asked us to ask ourselves this question last week.

I sum myself up into 3 parts, 1.mind, 2.body, 3.soul.

1.Mind
My mind is too fast for myself. I sometimes think too far ahead and make decisions even before I can rationalise things. Thankfully, my mouth is still not as fast as my mind. But it is still too fast. I have made so many retarded comments that I wished I could have retracted but alas the damage has already been done.

2.Body
If my mind is fast, then my body is not too far behind. I move around alot and do my stuff quickly, although I can improve by moving faster on the soccer pitch. I guess I have a little ADHD. I've been trying to keep still for a very long time, but it is difficult when I feel there is so much to be done.

3.Soul
Lastly, my soul is way too slow for the rest. I often describe to people that my feet are moving fast trying to catch up with my mind and thoughts, and all this while my soul is still stuck somewhere at home trying to wake up. I do not appreciate the fast track life. Earn a bit less, live with a little less luxury but I get a whole lot more time to myself to just bum and do what I like. Maybe only then can I slow down and keep still.